eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will be naked everywhere
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
