I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
