he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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