He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
