I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
