It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
