When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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