Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
