"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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