genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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