Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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