PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
