woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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