your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
