So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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