Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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