I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
