so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
