Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
