Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
