Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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