ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
