What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
