I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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