well I can't set my house on fire every night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
