it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
