did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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