if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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