We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
