i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
