Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
