I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
