yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
