honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
