I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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