I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
