tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's just like the Real World with babies
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
