and she was petting her beer can
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
