Your face is a jimmy john
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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