Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
