Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
