Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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