I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
