So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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