Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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