i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
