dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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