Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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