i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
