I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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