Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
