had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
