yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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