Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
