Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My balls are so social today.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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