trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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