He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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